Breaking Faith

Janine Cate of Why Homeschool? posted this mind-boggling comment on my No Victims Here article encouraging Christians to re-think the ease with which we divorce.

"As part of an outreach program to encourage families to attend church, we noticed a trend. Most of the individuals who no longer attended church or who had never attend church, did so due to a divorce. They stopped going to church after their own divorce or the divorce of their parents. The third group where children who grew up in homes with no religious training because their parents stopped going to church in their youth after the grandparents' divorce. "

If this is a nationwide or even a worldwide trend, then divorce is not only devastating the family but the church as well. Surely this merits attention by church leaders, and should begin to inform how the church deals with hurting marriages. Perhaps we need to shift our focus from comforting those who have chosen to end their marriages to shoring up floundering marriages and strengthening engaged couples to prevent and to resist the conflicts that might torpedo their union.

Perhaps it should not surprize us so much that as goes marriage, so goes the church. The Old Testament is loaded with imagery that identifies God's relationship to His people with the marriage relationship. The Epistles come out and say it systematically. And we humans seem to know this even when we don't know the Scriptures.

So maybe it isn't so shocking that when marriages fail regularly, no one can hope that a relationship with God could be permanent. When marriages are a dance of selfishness rather than a dance of deference, how could God's chastisements be anything but self-serving power plays?

It seems that marriages hold in trust the heart of both society and church. What we do in marriage is not just a personal decision that affects no one else. What we do in marriage is perhaps the most powerful witness of what we really believe God can and will do in His relations with His people. Our neighbors get it. The world is watching. What will we Christians say to them?

Have any of you conducted or seen research on the correlation between flagging church involvement and failed marriages? Why do you think people who are touched by divorce leave the church?

Countdown to College Scholarships 4!

Aim for Success!

My friend, Pastor Gregg Harris, says "If you aim at nothing, you can count on hitting it." Continuing our discussion of college scholarships, after you have considered what you have to work with, you can begin to form a good idea of post-high school directions. The earlier you start aiming, the more effortless the guidance. If you wait until the spring of your student's junior year, you may have to make truly gut-wrenching adjustments in order to hit close to your target.

It may be that you will want to do something other than college. Maybe your student will jump right into a job which will train him as he goes, or into the military. Maybe your daughter wants to concentrate on building a strong cottage industry, which will be portable with her (eventual) family. You might find that apprenticeships or internships are better preparation for some of these options than college.

You will want to weigh the pros and cons of college carefully. There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. Naturally, students who aspire to be doctors, lawyers, teachers and such will find that a college degree is the only ticket to those professions. But, you may find that a college degree gives a daughter the credibility she needs to make a significant contribution to her family's income from her own home without leaving her children in someone else's care. An entrepreneurial son might find that the networking potiential of the college community will jump-start his business.

However, there are significant problems with attending college that you will need to prepare to solve or sidestep before they become destructive: lack of parental authority, negative social atmosphere, tremendous financial strain, or indoctrination rather than education. With creativity and determination, these drawbacks can be overcome, and the full Launch to College workshop helps families explore some positive alternatives.

So, what are college admission committees looking for?
Academic excellence
Community service
Leadership
Extra-curricular expertise

Next time - a close-up of those college admission must-have's.

No Victims Here

Divorce is epidemic among modern Western peoples. This is not news to anyone.

• 1 in 5 Americans have been divorced, according to the Census Bureau.
• The marriage rate has fallen nearly 30% since 1970 and the divorce rate has increased about 40%. Ahlburg and DeVita, "New Realities," 4-12. Cited on page 5 ofThe Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher

But consider this: Divorce, meant to decrease domestic violence and protect women and children, actually increases poverty among women and children, and increases violence against them. Americans for Divorce Reform summarizes:

"Children of divorce are twice as likely to be abused and to become criminals and teen moms -- even if they have stepparents. And divorce doesn't end fighting in front of the children -- in most cases, it escalates it!"

and...

"A 1991 Justice Department survey, for example, found that more than two-thirds of domestic violence offenders were boyfriends or ex-spouses, while just 9 percent were spouses. Cohabitating women, according to one review of the literature, are four times more likely to suffer severe violence than married women."
Gallagher in "End No-Fault Divorce?" (Maggie Gallagher debates Barbara Dafoe Whitehead) in First Things 75 (August/September 1997)

And it seems to be self-perpetuating, like a genetic disease. Children who live in a divorced home are much more likely to become single parents, either through divorce or out-of-wedlock child-bearing. And this is much more pronounced if the children are exposed to divorce during their teen years.

'Exposure to single motherhood at some point during adolescence increases the risk [of a daughter's later becoming a household head] by nearly 1 1/2 times for whites and.....by about 100 percent for blacks.' " Sara S. McLanahan, "Family Structure and Dependency: Reality Transitions to Female Household Head ship," Demography 25, Feb., 1988, 1-16. Cited in Amneus, The Garbage Generation, page 240

"...teen boys from one-parent households are almost twice as likely to father a child out of wedlock as teen boys from two-parent families." William Marsigilio, "Adolescent Fathers in the United States: Their Initial Living Arrangements, Marital Experience and Educational Outcomes," Family Planning Perspective, 19, November/December, 1987, 240-51. Cited in Amneus, The Garbage Generation, page 241

The suffering not only of women and children, but of the husbands and fathers in these divorces is staggering. The cost of supporting these broken impoverished, embittered families is becoming more than the fabric of our society can bear, and society in itself does not have the answers. Even the liberals realize it.

"[Non-nuclear families can work, but] every society requires a critical mass of families that fit the traditional ideal, both to meet the needs of most children and to serve as a model for other adults who are raising children in difficult settings. We are at risk of losing that critical mass in America today." Hillary R. Clinton, It Takes a Village, p. 50

Visionary reformers on all sides of the political spectrum are working to reform divorce laws to remove the incentives for couples to divorce as soon as life together looks less than rosy. The trouble is, laws cannot change hearts.

Someone is going to have to be willing to suffer for righteousness' sake. Living in intimate circumstances with a fallen spouse as a fallen spouse is unquestionably the most difficult thing we could be asked to do - even in the best scenarios. Poster-children for the horrors that can happen in marriage situations abound. Well-meaning political saviors use them liberally to weaken family institutions every day.

But where are the poster-children for the beauties of perseverance in difficult marriages? Where are the mothers, ferocious to save their children from a future of abuse, brokenness and poverty? Where are the fathers who will sheild the women and children under their protection from the dragons of divorce, at their own peril? Battered by the brutalities of fallen men, ridiculed by the rhetoric of self-actualization, they give up the struggle - and divorce.

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."~ Albert Einstein ~ The battle to defend marriage and family is one of the greatest difficulties of our time. Yet most of us only see the blood and smoke. We cannot or will not see past the warfare to the peace we might purchase for our children and grandchildren. And those who do see it rarely have the courage or fortitude to see it through in their own marriages.

I have a dear friend whose husband is mentally ill. He is manipulative, unfaithful, verbally and psychologically abusive, and completely oblivious to any needs but his own. She makes no excuses for her husband's behavior, and tries not to soften the consequences of his destructive choices, except where they will hurt others.

Many have asked her why she doesn't just divorce the jerk. She says, " I have seen what divorce does. My husband is the way he is in part because of the abandonment he felt in the multiple divorces of his parents. There has never been a divorce among my forefathers. I will not be the one to let it in."

Nothing about what he deserves. Nothing about what she deserves. Nothing about whether divorce is a sin. Nothing about what others should do. It is simply and single-mindedly about what she has decided to do.

She has seen a strong opportunity in her suffering. She has decided to stop the ravages of divorce in the next generation of her descendants, as far as it is possible for her to do. She is willing to suffer to achieve it, but not as a victim. She has chosen this in the midst of legal and ecclesiatical freedom to divorce.

And have her children suffered as a result? Oh, yes. But who escapes suffering? Not those children of divorce. We do not have the option to escape suffering, we only have the opportunity to decide what to do in the suffering.

Interestingly, all of her children have chosen to marry. They have persevered not only in a strong faith, but through several years of marital difficulties of their own.

Trends are made quietly, one personal decision at a time. Will you see only difficulty in your marriage? Only victimization? Or will you see opportunity? And what will you choose?

Also visit the Christian Carnival for other essays on various topics of interest to those of Christian persuasion, at the Wittenberg Gate on Wednesday, August 16th.

Countdown to College Scholarships 5!

As promised (before a family funeral and reunion intervened), the first in a series of previews of my book, Countdown to Launch: a Straight-A Flight Plan to College Funding. The book is a guide to finding scholarship dollars to fund your home-schooled scholar's college ambitions.

For maximum effectiveness, you should really begin the countdown in your student's freshman year. However, even if your student is a junior, you will be able to use these guidelines to earn more scholarships than you thought possible.

Countdown: 5! Assess your starting point!
To succeed, you need a realistic assessment of the young person you are launching. What are his gifts, talents and skills? Where are his weaknesses. What is her personality and temperament? And most especially, what are his or her goals and aspirations: spiritually, relationally, academically. You and your student will find asset inventories, goal-planners and other tools included in Countdown to Launch to help you examine the assets God has given you.

Don't forget that God has also surrounded you with gifts of institutions, opportunities and most especially, other people. You will be able to take stock of those as well, using Countdown to Launch worksheets.

Consider, too, the roles God has given you. How will you help your student to be a good steward of his gifts and opportunities within the roles he has been given? How will you prepare girls and boys for their different challenges and responsibilities? Countdown to Launch helps you to bless and to cast a vision of excellence and service for your young adult.

Next time: 4! Aim for success!

The Half-Million Dollar Baby

A number of you have asked how Elizabeth managed to win over half a million dollars in scholarship offers as a home-schooled high schooler. The short answer is that 1) we prayed, 2) she treated scholarship pursuit as a part-time job during her senior year, 3) we had been aiming her at a number of high-profile scholarships over her 4 years, so that by her senior year, she was competitive for large number of lesser scholarships as well, 4) we used the services of Jeannette Webb at Aiming Higher Consultants to make our documentation as professional and easily accessible to scholarship committees as possible.

Most of our journey is reproducible. I have developed a one-day workshop about positioning your student and pursuing scholarships, called Launch to College Workshop. I am now making the full-text syllabus for the workshop available to order. The workshop DVD set will be coming out in the next month or so.

Over the next few days, I'll be giving you a preview of the workshop contents. Stay tuned!

Mourning to Dancing

She turned to the dark window, pain in every line of the motion. "Right. I know I need to wait...But everyone else will be gone...I'll be so old." In her wavering reflection, tears sparkled down her cheek.

Though her best friends were at least a year older, she grieved their moving on without her in graduation. She had completed her academic requirements. Wouldn't she just be marking time? Growing older without fruit?

One year later
She turns under the sparkling tree, inviting new friends and old out of the dark to dance at her graduation. In wonder, they learn to celebrate.

She is handing out choice portions: a chance to make a real movie with professional equipment and experienced film mentors - all discovered and assembled during her internship in the last year. Her sister, struggling with overuse injuries while practicing her violin, has recovered her joy in music and her hope of being able to participate in it in the future, because of that invitation to compose the sound track. A band of brothers have discovered her subversive storytelling methods and resolve to join the network to capture imaginations.

She laughs, fearless. Her college expenses will be completely covered until she takes up both B.A. and M.A. in an accelerated 5-year program. The fruit of her scholarship pursuit over the last long, lonely year. Over half a million dollars.

Her mother turns to the dark window. In the glowing reflections, the young people are toasting the future with fizzy punch. "So God will not always chasten," she thinks, "Weeping may endure for a night, but morning comes. There will be joy. That, too, is His will."

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way.'"~ C.S. Lewis ~ May I and mine always be in the first group.

Notes from Underground - Light

In the mine, the only light is the light you bring with you. Except occasionally, there is a fissure above that allows a tiny shaft of light to finger some glittering crystal, as if God says, "See here!" You have time to gasp in wonder. But the world turns, and the light fades.

The glitterati of the homeschool speech and debate world were there as the graduating debaters from across the country halted down the aisle to the first ever NCFCA graduation ceremony. A trio of sisters serenaded us with Pachelbel's Canon in D, and my daughter sang of being changed "For Good" by knowing her family and these friends. No less a man than Michael Farris exhorted the graduates not to despise the day of small beginnings nor the small decisions to walk in God's ways that put us in the way of His later great blessing. The young lady who had just won the policy debate crown exhorted the graduates to strive not to be the "Greatest Generation" but the "Faithful Generation".

One by one the graduates received their diplomas from their parents with words of praise and encouragement. And in the gracious liturgy of such things, the students responded with tearful thanks to parents, sibs and mentors.

One, however, began, "Wherever God calls us in the future, whether to halls of justice, fame or hidden service, we rarely get to see the whole picture. But it is there. And it is beautiful. And in our lives we will be called to be broken - and willingly or not - we will be broken. Broken from friends, and dreams. Broken from family and even everything we thought was ourselves. But it is that shattering that makes the difference between being a clear piece of glass - flat, invisible and unnoticed - and becoming a sparkling rainbow mosaic of life that is a wonder to all who pass by. And no one will be able to pass without asking, "who has done this?" And then it will be our privilege to tell them of the reason for the hope that is within us. "

"And we will fly on wings like eagles above the vaulted ceilings of the possible. Higher than we thought possible because it is another's strength on which we rely."

And that one is mine. And she has understood the secrets I whispered to her as she slept. She has deciphered the stories I told her as she played at my knee in her innocence. And she has waited patiently at the Master Glazier's feet, as He has lifted her broken heart, piece by piece, to His mosaic.

Oh yes! Here's to defying gravity...

Losing our Heads

"Off with her head!" cried the Red Queen. Dear Alice ran for her life, but she was only pursued by a pack of cards. So often the threats we flee are only a pack of cards.

But there are plenty of ways to lose our heads for real. And for Christians, this has some unusual consequences. You see, for us, it's not always fatal. For us, "When life whacks you so hard your head flies off, sew it back on and keep going."~ Mary Pierce ~ It's a possibility.

The Headless Horseman

The thing about being headless, is that it gives you a unique perspective. A little lower, humbler than everybody else. Sometimes it's the backward perspective, you know, from under the arm. Then there is the advantage of being able to actually throw your head at your attacker/pursuer/quarry. The anticipation of the satisfying "thwack" as new ideas hit the other guy is really worth the disadvantage of having to retrieve the head with the eyes actually disconnected from the hands. And of course, there is this supreme advantage: next time life aims at your head, it won't be where life expects it to be!

The Velveteen Rabbit
We all remember the story of the toy rabbit who mourned alone in the closet, pristine and perfect until the Boy lost his favorite cuddly and substituted the rabbit. The Boy's love for the rabbit cost him his glossy coat, his wiskers, an eye. Finally, the rabbit was the Boy's comfort through a bout of Scarlet Fever, and was tossed on the trash heap to be burned.

Loving people will cost you your ability to look good all the time. It will cost you your comfort. It will finally cost you your life, if you are faithful. But you, like the rabbit, will not be utterly consumed. You will become Real.

Hot Moms Play It Cool

No, I don't mean sweaty. It's now official. Moms can be "hot". The Today Show says so. Homeschool moms have known this for years. So today, I thought it would be fun to see how homeschool moms stack up against this newly-discovered hotness.

The Today Show was promoting a new book called The Hot Moms' Handbook, which was a witty exposition of the joys of motherhood - with fashion advice. "Motherhood gives us depth, compassion, and a level of love and awareness so heartfelt it is indescribable..." (Are you feeling the resonance yet?)

What makes a hot Mom? Well, she plays! She spends time having fun with her kids, surprizing them with new ideas and creative play. (Isn't that the definition of a homeschool mom? Haven't you made cookie-dough topographical maps of the ocean floor, dressed up like Eleanor of Aquitaine and gone on Crusade, stalked through the backyard searching for the Northwest Passage while picking botanical samples to preserve for posterity, roused your kids at 2am with hot cocoa to catalog a meteor shower, laid out a garden using only ancient Roman surveying methods, gone without running water for a day to illustrate the soul's thirst for Living Water, conquered the Spanish Armada on a giant world map with a pocket-sized punch-out British Navy, and such like?)

Hot Moms keep current and make time to enjoy grown-up conversation with their husbands and their friends. (Ummm! Let's see...my homeschool mom friends are current enough to be actively involved in local-to-national politics - with their husbands. And many of them maintain a regular date night. Does that count?)

Hot Moms ditch the sweats and wear practical, stylish outfits even if they are just taking the kids to Little League (OK, maybe they've got us there. Homeschool moms spend way too much time in denim jumpers and prairie skirts. Still, that's got to beat sweats - ewwww! Play day for my girls and I: Have coffee at a bookstore, perusing the fashion magazines (we employ the mommy-censor for those unbelievable ads), then hit the mall to window shop. Finally, we take our wallets to the thrift store, where you wouldn't believe what current looks you can put together for the price of a retail blouse. Nobody believes that our favorite clothing store is the DAV.)

Now, something that the Today Show didn't mention, but that homeschool moms employ to ensure that life can continue to produce joy, even when the baby projectile-vomits all over that stylish outfit, hubby loses his job, and grammar, long-division and dirty floors crowd out playtime for a week...a long-term time horizon. Homeschool moms are sure that what they are doing will have eternal consequences in the hearts, minds and characters of these little people, who are in our care. And most of us rely on the unbounded energy and care of the God who will receive us and our children at the end of all the troubles.

This hope allows a playful spirit. It is light and air. Life's difficulties take on a more manageable size.

I think that makes the score: Hot Moms - 3. Homeschool Moms - 5
Play on! It doesn't get hotter than this.

Creating Homeschool Traditions

As homeschoolers, we tend to be rugged individualists pioneering (mostly alone) through academic and relational terra incognita. So much so, in fact, that we tend to forget that some things do take a community. Marking milestones and applauding achievements are two of those things that simply shouldn't be done alone.

My eldest graduated in May - and in June. The first time, we crafted a ceremony for our tiny homeschool co-op and for a shy young man who was new to our group. The graduates were led in by our daughter's menfolk dressed in full Highland regalia, bagpipes blaring. The graduates' remarks focused on thanks to those who have made possible their achievements. And the fathers presented diplomas with words of encouragement and inspiration. We finished off with cake, hors d'ovres and a Scottish country-dance ball for the whole local speech & debate community (Think Jane Austen at Bath). And when the musicians tired, we roasted and toasted the graduates.

It was simple and heartfelt. I felt sorry for the non-Christians in the crowd, because the graduates' remarks and the fathers' charges had so many references to the faith that it surely amounted to mission work. However, one of those nons told me at the punchbowl that he had really enjoyed himself. Most other graduations, he said, were all about how hard the graduates had worked and what heights they had achieved. This one, he mused, was about gratitude rather than self-aggrandizement. It was about families working together and enjoying each other, having a part in the successes each member accomplishes.

Others went home rubbing their hands with glee, because "now we have a tradition to look forward to when it's our turn. This IS going to be a tradition, isn't it?" Yes, it must become a tradition. We need them. They provide us a way to enjoy the fruits of our hard work, and to realize how much it means to us to have companions in the field hoeing alongside us.

Even if it means that I'm not left alone to revel in decorating the hall and preparing gourmet goodies. Even if I have to do the (shudder) admin.

Lunch Break in the Salt Mines

"Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself ." - Audrey Giorgi

I am an artist. Blood and bones. I am never so happy as when I have paint and canvas, ink and paper, or photos and scrapbook pages in hand and an empty afternoon at my disposal. It is meat and drink to me to re-arrange the furniture and wall decor to celebrate the next phase of the church calendar and to welcome visitors. Or to light candles, turn off all the lights (because there's a whopping good thunderstorm that will likely turn them off anyway) and play some thundery Beethoven or Chopin or accompany my family singing hymns until the storm subsides (or we get tired of squinting).

I am an artist. That is difficult to remember amidst the rockslides and sluices of administration that the Lord has served me this spring and summer. I am making it possible for other people to exercise their arts, while I'm stuck with the pick and axe work. Is this really me? Why am I good at what I hate to do? Will I ever get to do art again (melodramatic sob)? Will I ever even get to blog regularly?

When my husband and I were first married, we moved half-way across the continent in our first week. No friends. No church. No family. No piano. No paints. No funiture to speak of. My husband's new job was fairly all-consuming.

What I did have to work with was chicken, well, and vegetables. I came to view these as my canvas. Those veggies had to be delicious, nutritious AND beautiful. It got to be a game: how many ways to serve chicken can I find or invent? Aristotle says that tangible matter resists the forms of perfection imposed upon them. I found it so with chicken - even the occasional hamburger defied the forms. My game was called 'taming the stubborn tangibles'. Eventually, I realized it was art.

Perhaps all I really need is to be able to view administration as art. The institutions are my canvas and people are my paints. Yes, and paperwork is my brush (heavy sigh!). These tangibles resist form more than any other media I have ever worked with. They have to be persuaded to stay on the canvas. They mix with the yellow instead of the blue. Regular paint doesn't have to want to be purple, but people have to want to be in the painting.

Is it art? I'll let you know, but maybe it's the end of the tunnel.

Notes from Underground

Administration! It really is the pits! My salt-mine has a lot more extensive galleries than I ever suspected. I thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just a ventilation shaft.

Well, since I'm not getting out any time soon, I'll try to enjoy the scenery.

My middle daughter, Anne visited the salt mines for which Salzburg is named. She said it was incredible not only what God had wrought, but what men have done. The walls sparkled, and wherever they were thin between chambers, light could penetrate so that the walls shone like pink hurricane glasses around a candle.

The miners of salt have an absolutely amazing method of extracting and purifying the salt that they mine. They dig drainage tunnels between the galleries to the outside world, where an enormous holding tank awaits. Then they pump the gallery full of water. Salt dissolves! Remember? When the water has reached its saturation point, they pump the water out into the holding tank and allow it to evaporate. What is left is pure salt. Water, air and gravity have done the heavy lifting.

What's more, the miners ride an enormous slide down to work every day. Picture one of those mountain slides you ride for hundreds of feet under the summer sky - only underground.

I gotta figure out how to make my salt mine work like this...

Lurn 2 Blogggg

Did you see the 7 Days of Blogging over at She Lives? Carol quizzed readers about some very practical blogging issues and ended up with a mini-manual on both the technical and literary aspects of blogging.

Hurry on over...

Furrowed

I'm tired. I'm so tired, I'm numb. Nothing sounds interesting. Everything's a chore.

But I'm planting the garden anyway. The seeds rustle dryly out of their envelopes and disappear into the soil, invisible in their dirt camoflage (how do the birds find them?). It looks pretty pitiful, really. Nothing but rock-hard pellets and broken earth. An apt reflection of the gardener: prostrate, broken, leafless.

But I'm planting the garden anyway. Under the furrowed dust, I am longing for a taste of those vivid tomatoes that only come out of one's own backyard. I believe there will be a salad that is as much a feast for the eye as for the palate - violets, nasturtiums and pale pansies crowded between the spinach and cranberries. The pungent basil will be worth its weight in gold, and the bees will use it to flavor our honey with a minty perfume. I am counting on roasting chilis this fall, and being able to put up quarts and quarts of salsa, paprikas sauce and green chili.

I am counting on renewal. On resurrection.

Weaving

This week I am hemming and fringing a silk tartan shawl for Elizabeth's graduation. A symbol of our covering care for her even as she steps out into her terra incognita after high school. The blues and reds intersect and overlap creating a shifting, shimmering play of unexpected colors that evoke the surprizing beauties in the interwoven relationships in our family.

But under my hands the cloth shifts again, and the hands are my mother's, too. We are altering thrift store suits to make uniforms for the imaginary army in my sister's Shakespeare production. Every summer, Elizabeth (for whom my graduate was named) puts on a side-splitting Shakespearean comedy to give all the cousins and their friends an extended time to delight in each other and to accomplish something real. We donate the profits to the local crisis pregnancy center. Mother is always there, making fast those behind-the-scenes necessities. But the threads stretch farther back.

Mother was the original actress, making literature come to life for us with voices and accents, teaching us to tell Bible stories to enthrall the listener, clothing us with poetry...clothing us with prayer.

In this light, the cloth is shining white. It is my wedding dress. Mother crafted it based on a photograph in Bride's magazine. And the crocheted lace bedspread she wove for us is still heavy with the prayers she brocaded into each motif, as she prepared to include this new son in the fabric of the family.

She never was simply sewing chiffon or twisting out lace. Mother was always weaving this tapestry of relationships, the patterns of history. She never refused any skein God handed her. She weaves with bitter blacks and weeping silver with nearly the same serenity as she does with the heartsblood reds and the singing azures. She is certain that God is the only one who weilds shears, and that someday she will see the whole tapestry - from the front side.

I am hemming this silken shawl; but I am learning the master-weaving, Mother's hand on mine as I throw the shuttle. My first daughter whirls out through the tensed warps, singing.

Mother-of-All*

O blessed we for her in whom God knit our tissue forms
So tenuous, yet over-rich 'round all-implicit selves
Still tight wound scarlet, mere designs, and Spirit-warm
Dropped. distaff, shuttle, shears then hers to wave us whole,

Our very lives spinning pendant from her hand. Kinetic skills
Teased out, drawn strong and fine - some dull unbreakables,
Some rainbow-wound with music, magit lit from childhood still,
Some golden virtues prayer spun (Athena's competent).

This living weft laced twixt ancestral warp she deftly looms,
Herself the webster, woven too; her thread maternal hands
Spin out still. So distaff to distaff, daughter to daughter, Heaven looms
The ancient, cosmic web be-gemmed with Earth-won spoil,

God's tapestry through woman's seed redeemed, reclaimed, renewed,
Til Christ, in this His glory robes His Bride, and Life begins in truth.

(This sonnet was my Mother's Day gift to Mother in 1978.)

*The Mother-of-All is the part of a spinning wheel upon which all the other parts depend.

This post All Rights Reserved.

Professional Mothers: Renee 2

As promised, my interview with Renee...

Here's my attempt at reflection on a peaceful night in the eye of the hurricane (where I've always chosen to live). My path did not lead to marriage and motherhood directly but took a decade of running the carreer track, more and more frenetically. Don't mistake me, I loved the teaching career I was given: the students, the discipline, the opportunities to grow my skills in a real world application that college never prepared me to do. I loved the class discussion and travel with students, the missions opportunities, the theatre program I cultivated single handedly. But with this career came thousands of papers to grade, seven classes a day with six different preps, an inner drive to do the next production bigger and better than the last, and a passion to never repeat anything I'd ever done before. The single life was a place to focus heart, mind and strength on the sole job of pleasing the Lord...no distractions, no breaks, no excuses. I also began to add more and more to my plate until I was teaching full time, directing a musical with 200+students, grading 75 research papers, performing in a play in which I had to memorize 125 pages, co-leading a singles Sunday school class of 300, and directing three one-act plays for a competition. That was the month I discovered there was a reason I had been drinking 36 oz. of water every 45 minute class period... I was a type I diabetic and my health was broken. It was from this hurricane that the Lord rescued me and gave me a husband who introduced me to grace, and rest. We married and moved to teach in China where I went from teaching/directing 14 -17 hours a day to teaching 15 hours a week. Then came children.
Mother-Lode: Did you purpose to become a mother? Why or why not?
Again and again I had resigned myself to the single life since I was 29 with no man on the horizon. But after marriage, the thought of children was a welcome delight and I never realized just how important all the teaching I had done would be to my confidence as I looked my own children in the face and knew I wanted to pour the wow of learning into them.


Mother-Lode: When and how did you begin to prepare yourself for this life's work?
I never prepared myself for this work. Fortunately God did. Shaping, winning and disciplining the belligerent, the dear, the talented and the devious student every day in class molded my pedagogy. All along I took mental note of successes and struggles of my siblings and the parents of great kids at school. When our first girl came along, I found Mike and Debbie Pearl's books, George MacDonald, and scriptures set to music all refreshing resources.


Mother-Lode: If you went to college, do you find that your college degree has been a help to you in your work as a mother? What would have been lacking in your home if you had not pursued college?
College was the necessary means to the end (a piece of paper so I could teach) but no help in and of itself unless the discipline of study counts. Most of what I learned, I gladly dropped as useless or worse. What it gave me were books, records and resources for my own study and a love of Shakespeare.
Mother-Lode: In the course of your work as a mother, what kinds of things have you done?
Things I never dreamed existed. I've floated polymers in water, alcohol, vinegar and oil; examined lip and teeth prints, and experimented on mystery powders all to get one girl ready for a crime lab competition. I've critiqued a brief for one daughter (using her competitive speech skills) to give to the state congress opposing a bill. I've taught all three girls to speak the Gospel in Spanish for the yearly family mission trip to Mexico. I've planned and executed a six month study abroad for our family through 12 countries in Europe visiting professors in Scotland and gypsies in Slovakia making all the history, literature, art and music live. For the last five years I've run a two week Shakespeare Camp for kids age 3-18 with a full blown play at the end to benefit a local crisis pregnancy center that last year raised $2000.00. And I've made a gingerbread castle cake with my three year old.


Mother-Lode: Have you found your work as a mother narrows your opportunities or confounds your work for and in the community?
Hardly! (See above)


Mother-Lode: How have you dealt with the feminists' view that a career is all-important for the full development of women, and with the pull of careerism in your own life?
Career was an intensely wonderful, awful slave master. How's that for an oxymoron? It was not until I met my husband who is to me "grace on legs" that I began to measure myself NOT by my productivity but by the quality of my relationships. And it was not until recently that I've begun to see that rest in the One Relationship means that all my work is a joyful reflection of His creativity...redeemed and full of purpose ...Not a frenetic attempt to be super-woman.


Mother-Lode: How would you advise a young woman about to graduate from high school?
Get a degree in something. It opens doors of credibility and opportunity you would not otherwise have. Be careful where you choose to go if you want to be able to hold what you learned as valuable.


Mother-Lode: What have been the returns of your labors as a mother?
The sweet smell of soft baby hair cuddled under my chin; the gleam in the eye of our youngest with every creative engineering project done to ease someone's load; the courage and cheerfulness of our middle girl who overcomes her physical pains of hydrocephalus shunt failure and a broken back that brought her ballet to a halt but her spirit to a place of humble care for others; the awe of watching our oldest make serving her glory on the volleyball team, the babysitting job, the mission trip, or counseling peers to make right choices in the context of abstinence; the excitement of launching educated, entertaining, engagingly articulate and caring girls into the culture with a positive visions for changing it.


Mother-Lode: If you had it to do over again, would you make the choice to be a professional mother?
It's the best of joys! It's the "break your heart beautiful" reason to pour myself out! It's the reward behind every effort. It's purpose behind so many questions. It's the best pay I've ever had.

Professional Mothers: Renee

Today, I'd like you to meet one of Linda Hirschmann's most dangerous "threats to civilization", my friend Renee. She is a real "team drop-out", leaving a ten-year teaching career to become a wife and mother. Instead, she's just slouching around raising three lovely daughters,
administering & teaching in a metropolitan educational cooperative,
spending her vacations working in Mexican orphanages,
training young lobbyists and reproductive responsibility advocates,
helping to run a national-level debate tournament for 200+ high school students,
directing a summer stock theater company for homeschoolers,
while keeping a gracious house and entertaining weekly.

But perish the thought that Renee is just a collection of jobs and accomplishments! She will be the one in the group to whom everyone will tell their troubles. Her determined cheerfulness has bouyed many a sinking heart. Her faith and courage has been an inspiration to those who know her personally, for one of her daughters has hydro-encephalitis.

When Renee was pregnant, her doctors assured her that this child would probably only live a few hours, if "it" could survive to birth at all. They showed her the ultrasounds revealing a sac protruding from the base of the baby's skull, where they speculated the baby's brain tissue would be - if there were any at all. They told her that death would be a mercy for this child, who should be a vegetable if "it" lived. They told her to abort.

But Renee and her husband refused to be the instrument of their own child's death, whatever the cost. They reasoned that as God had given, it was His prerogative to determine when and how their baby would be taken back to Him.

When Hope was born, God's miraculous Providence became evident. The sac at the base of her skull had filled with the extra brain fluid, so that her brain had developed normally inside her skull. Stunned doctors were able to drain the fluid and install a permanent shunt to protect Hope's brain from future damamge. They remained pessimistic about Hope's development. "She'll never sit up. She'll never walk. She'll never talk. She'll never read," they said. Renee never gave up.

Today, Hope is twelve. Not only does she sit up and walk, she dances the Nutcracker with a local ballet company. Not only does she talk, she just smoked the competition at this weekend's NCFCA National Open tournament, taking first place overall in her age category (Jr. Sweepstakes), and qualifying to the National Finals in three events. Not only does she read, she writes movingly, and she makes Shakespeare come to life in Renee's summer stock theater productions - which benefit the local crisis pregnancy center.

Not bad for a vegetable. Next time, Renee's interview.

Building a Mother's Tribute

Speaking of great ideas, Heather over at Mom2Mom has proposed a writing contest as a Mothers' Day celebration. See her blog before May 1 to submit your tribute to your mother's love.

Let's See...

Creation is supposed to speak to us of its Creator, but mostly it doesn't. A sunrise doesn't remind us of the joy of Christ hastening to claim His Bride (Ps 19). Mostly, a sunrise simply means that we went to bed too late, and now we're up too early (groan!). The fault does not lie in Creation but in its observers.

Often, it takes a work of art to bring Creation's message into focus for us dullards. The framed close-up of water rushing over brook stones makes us take note of its beauty and reflect upon the swiftness of time, and the permanence of our Rock. Bach's counterpoint gives us heart-breaking insight into the freedom, beauty, independence and harmony among the persons of the Trinity. Sunday dinner with its aromas, its crystal and candles on white tablecloths reminds us that worship isn't merely propositional. It is a feast. We aren't simply invited to an intellectual exercise. We are invited to a party.

Art lets us see into the depths and dimensions of what seems at first to be opaque material. But we don't need to go to the art museum to catch a glimpse of these undergirding realities. Just consider for a moment, why you arrange your schedule the way that you do, and how it might reflect God's work. Would consciously arranging your work to imitate His patterns actually be more productive as well as more beautiful? When you discipline your children, aren't you sculpting a human soul? And doesn't that open new horizons on God's dealings with you?

The beauty of Art is that it is a way of seeing as much as anything else. It is a habit of the heart. Perhaps the only thing that changes us more deeply is suffering.

Metamorphoses

Would that men had words and minds and songs enough
To honor that magnificent, unspeakable One
Whose love transforms us more surely than time,
More deeply than grief,
More gloriously than a thousand dying suns;
Who pours Himself out for us in scarlet richness
From the dark wound of womb-wrenching
Separation
Who breathes into our sterile spirits new-birthed Life,
By that Breath-born Prince and that ancient Breath
That still makes dust
Live!

Kim Anderson
Copyright 1979
All rights reserved

The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Gentle Readers, I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I am simply feeling the pinch of my busy season. With two regional debate tournaments behind me now, and only the national open to organize, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I will still be mostly taken up with administration duties until that tournament is over and its results properly registered, but I will post as I am able, and will return to my regularly scheduled programming about the first week of May.

Thank you for checking up on me. Your friendship is a real wonder, maintained as it is over such distances by such ethereal means. Nevertheless, it is a strong support.